A quest to make sense of it all. Or a sense to make a quest of it all.

Sunday, July 03, 2011

I'm thisclose to being able to triumphantly blare the theme from Flashdance in my car.

Take your passion, and make it happen. -Irene Cara*

Me: Well, what was your drive? Was it your job? Were you passionate about it?
Grandma Charlie: Sarah, I was an accountant.
-Conversation, circa 2009

Yesterday, my body officially declared rebellion on this new schedule and tossed a stomach bug at me, which I caught before I knew what was happening. I had been at work at the Mango a little over an hour when -BAM!- I was channeling Regan MacNeil. So I went home, chugged some Pepto, and spent the day and evening reading, watching shows about ghosts, painting my nails and toenails, trying out new hairdos, and talking on the phone with the boyfriend.(All of that is true. And no, I have not regressed back to 16. Sometimes you just need to not be, you know, on it.)

My body's just going to have to suck it up and adapt, because my schedule isn't likely to get any less busy over the coming months. I took this second job to pad my accounts and get a little closer to school, but a plan quickly formed and I've been volunteering for every available extra shift, hostessing and bartending into the night. It's paid off pretty quickly, and it looks like I'm going to be parking my rapidly shrinking self in a classroom this August rather than having to wait until January. I should know for sure next week.

Keep your fingers crossed for me. I want this bad. Now that I'm no longer even slightly entertaining the notion of going back to school to be an accountant, it's suddenly a lot more exciting and desirable. I'm a very stubborn person, and I have to figure things out for myself. You can't tell me. It won't work. I didn't feel a huge yearning to go back to school for a long time, simply because I knew I would be going back to accounting. That's just not something I could get excited about. It doesn't matter if I'm good at it; I don't like it. I'm never going to jump out of bed with a grin, anticipating the columns of numbers waiting for me at my beige office. So eff it. I have two passions that I always come back to: writing and food. Ya'll know about passion, right? It's a wonderful thing. Its absence is keenly felt, if not immediately identifiable.

Those close to me know I went through a terrible sickness last year. It was a sort of cancer of the spirit. Getting over it required finding my passions again, and not just clinging to them as ideas, but actively pursuing them and making them part of every day. I've been doing that, and then it just clicked that that's what I should do for reals. And that's what I'm going back to school for. Journalism and Nutrition. And now that I know what I want to do, I don't want to waste any more time getting there to do it.

So I'm busting my ass. I'm tired, overscheduled, and I rely too heavily on my day planner. But there's this little fire keeping me going. I wake up excited, and I'm genuinely happy.

Getting well was just the beginning. I'd forgotten I could glow like this.

*Hehehehehehehehehe, etc.

4 comments:

Foz the Hook said...

Someone once told me "just because you are good at something doesn't mean you should be doing it."

And your talent for keeping things in order will serve you well as a broke student with two jobs.

sarah saint said...

Who said anything about broke?

I'll probably only work a couple nights a week at the Mango once school starts.

freudiantypo said...

Pell Grants, scholarships, student loans. You don't have to be broke if you don't want to be. School is an investment. Doing it out of pocket is rough, and there are other avenues if you so desire.

sarah saint said...

Ok, there seems to be some confusion. I'm waiting on word about financial aid. If I get it, fantastic, I can start back next month. If I don't, that sucks and I'll have to wait until January to start because then I will be paying out of pocket. NE is cheap enough to do that. I'm completely aware that if I don't get grants or scholarships, loans will be necessary once I transfer from NE. They are not necessary until then.