A quest to make sense of it all. Or a sense to make a quest of it all.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

If my name was Natty Bumppo, I'd be all, "Yeah, my friends call me 'Hawkeye'," too.

So the other night, I watched Last of the Mohicans with buddy Brandon.This sparked a slew of decent ideas, and I got to typing. Then I realized that no one really wants to read a book report, or a comparative essay. The book and the 1992 film are very different. That's what you need to know. Really, all that needs discussing is Cora's dumbassy decision not to marry Duncan Heyward. (I'm not just saying this because of my well-documented thing for gingers.) Attractive, uniformed, sincere Duncan. I mean, he's going places. And they've known each other since childhood, so there's an excellent foundation in place. He's civilized. Educated. Not prone to showoffy behavior. Aaaand on the other hand, we have Hawkeye, who fancies himself something he's not on so many levels, is hot-tempered, and develops a very unhealthy infatuation with Cora in like eight minutes, when his mind should be on other things. Seriously, they've been hanging out for, what, two days, and he's willing to risk being hanged just so he can stay close to her? Not sweet. Creepy. And really, really dumb. Duncan wouldn't have done anything so stupid. No, he waits until the end to pull his self-sacrifice card, and it works. Because he, you know, knows the girl. It's a lot more effective than Natty "oooh, look at me jump over a waterfall" Bumppo's foolhardy antics for a chick he can't possibly have real feelings for. Cora just got distracted by all the fringe and that big ol' gun, I think.

Here, Hawkeye attempts to lure us in with a smoldering gaze and a low-cut blouse.

To our right, a cool and in-control Duncan negotiates...oh, who cares what he's doing? That's a hot plate of sweet ginger goodness, and that's what matters.


histrionicsdotzip said...

All I know about this book or movie is basically that the father of fictitious character Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, chief surgeon on TV's M*A*S*H, nicknamed his son "Hawkeye" from this book.

And Hawkeye Pierce wouldn't even need a low-cut blouse to seduce me.


sarah saint said...

"And Hawkeye Pierce wouldn't even need a low-cut blouse to seduce me."

Lawdy, I hear ya.

Last night I caught a glimpse of Kenneth Branagh in Pirate Radio and almost lost myself entirely. All my adoration and amorous feelings came rushing back. I think I'll watch Much Ado About Nothing this weekend, since I'm too broke to leave my driveway.

That doesn't have to do anything with anyone named Hawkeye, other than that we're talking about people who are unconventionally hot, and my boy Ken is near the top of that list. Hey-O!!

He may be the ginger that sparked all of this.

sarah saint said...

"That doesn't have to do anything with..."

Huh huh, me like write.

"That doesn't have anything to do with..."

There. Hey-O!!, take #2.