A quest to make sense of it all. Or a sense to make a quest of it all.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


I just stepped into a public restroom on my lunch break and saw, in the trash that normally contains lady products, a pregnancy test. It was positive.

Someone's life changed today.

I can only speculate as to what sort of situation would have a woman taking a pregnancy test at WalMart and discarding the test there. What a moment.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Maybe it was Memphis.

This weekend was...nuts.

To make it as brief as possible:

Saturday, Michael and I started texting and by the afternoon it was evident that we would be seeing each other that night. Megan really wanted to go to Raiford's but I wasn't so much into that idea, especially with Michael as an option. Keith ended up vetoing Raiford's anyway, so I wound up at Mulligan's with the engineer. It was great. I was worried it would be kinda weird, but it wasn't, at all. We both remarked on how good it felt and how comfortable it was. I stayed the night with him (yes, like that) and it was wonderful. We talked a little about how things had gone wrong, and as always, he pulled no punches.

I hope I'm not misreading his intentions. And I hope he's not misreading mine; I'm NOT trying to reopen our relationship. I'm not in that state I let myself fall into. And he's right, of course; I am better than my previous behavior. I know he's trepidatious about this. And I wish I had a way to let him know that it's not like it was, and that I just want to take everything slow. Slow and as normal as we're capable of being.

As long as his eyes crinkle at the corners when he smiles, I think I can forgive him damn near anything.

*Update: found out later he had a titled girlfriend the night this all went down. What a moron I've been. And what a bigger one he is.

Friday, May 07, 2010

I don't claim to understand you, but I been lookin around, and I haven't found anybody like you.

Twice in one week.

So the cleanup crew got postponed due to particularly icky contamination issues. With the evening open, I decided to reschedule the date I had canceled with Gordon in order to do the cleanup. I thought about inviting him over, but I've been so restless lately...itching to tear up 72 and be closer to Memphis. So I suggested we get together for dinner. We were texting possible options when Megan called and suggested doing something together after Keith got off work. They live in Olive Branch, which is next door to Memphis. A solution! Gordon and I would meet for dinner in Olive Branch (he lives in Memphis) and then go over to Megan's house to visit with them.

So where did we decide to meet? This little Mexican restaurant I like because you can smoke indoors and the shrimp chimichangas are cuh-razy good. We were having a ball, good conversation, good flirtation, etc. I had my back to the room and felt someone sit down in the booth behind me. It wasn't until the person got up to head to the bathroom (and I didn't even notice him then!!) and come back out that I saw who it was.

Very funny, Universe.

I was mid-story and waving my fork around like the cool, sophisticated person I am, and I noticed a guy slow down and kinda stop right next to our table. I looked up and did a double take, and found myself looking into hazel goodness. Amused hazel goodness. We didn't say anything, but it was friendly (but then, our cruelty is limited to texting, as we cannot actually be around each other and not grin like chimps). He smiled and lifted his arms slightly in a "well, how 'bout that?" gesture. He looked good. He looked really good. Snuggling on my couch and talking about theology good. Geeking out over music good. Genuinely guffawing at each others' jokes good.

This morning there was a little lighthearted texting about it.

On an impulse, I ended up at a restaurant 45 minutes away on a random Thursday. It's 20 minutes from his house. In all the hundreds of places to eat in Memphis/Olive Branch/Collierville, we both end up at that one at the same time. It's also where we went for our first date in his area.

No coincidences. When we're not on the same page, we're not even in the same book. But when the current is there, it's almost eerie. Probably why we spooked in the first place.

My mother continues to hope.

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Taken down a few pegs.

Sometimes I get so caught up in my own little dramas and twistings, I fail to see the bigger picture. It sucks when that happens. I've been griping about my misadventures in dating and letting that friend-flirtation gnaw at me while people in my own town have lost their homes to flooding. People have died. Right now at Crossroads Arena, there is a temprary shelter set up for the residents of an entire apartment complex. It's a one-story complex and there wasn't a single home undamaged. Everyone was evacuated, and officials say it'll be at least a few weeks before the cleanup crews can get things in order enough to start moving people back in. The floodwaters were contaminated with all sorts of ickiness, so they're unable to go home and get any of their things. Half of them have cars that won't crank after being completely submerged. Treasured possessions, important medications, neccessities for living, all washed away.

And I'm bitching about that guy in Collierville.

Thanks for the perspective reminder, Universe. I've signed up to volunteer at the shelter.