A quest to make sense of it all. Or a sense to make a quest of it all.

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Dreaming of storms.

He looks around, around
He sees angels in the architecture
Spinning in infinity
He says Amen, and Hallelujah- Paul Simon, You Can Call Me Al

My past comes back to haunt me periodically. Usually when other things are troubling me; I hate to be superstitious and think of the old adage that bad things come in three's, but sometimes the old timers are right...in fact, the old timers are rarely wrong.

Another adage that I'd like to latch onto this minute is "Don't borrow trouble." So I'm trying not to. Right now I'm alternating between a worry so deep I can't eat and a resigned relaxation, the knowledge that my worrying will not to a thing to improve any of my current situations. What I do know is that all this will pass. What I can do is pray and take the logical steps to resolve what I can, and what I don't feel like specifically addressing here at this time. What I can say right now is this:

I am ready for spring and summer. I'm so ready for sundresses and tanned skin and cookouts, fishing, camping, sweltering days and iced tea, swimming in a creek in Walnut Grove with my family. I want to lie in the grass and hear lyrics in the trees and breathe in the freedom. I'm not talking about freedom from relationships or from work. Just freedom to bask in a piece of an afternoon and make it my own. Share it if there's someone special enough to share it with, and relish it even without.

Really, I just need some good news. I've had my three pieces of worry, and they're enough. I'm full now, and I need some grace.

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