A quest to make sense of it all. Or a sense to make a quest of it all.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Binary Star.

"If{}two stars should really be situated very near each other, and at the same time so far insulated as not to be materially affected by the attractions of neighbouring stars, they will then compose a separate system, and remain united by the bond of their own mutual gravitation towards each other. This should be called a real double star; and any two stars that are thus mutually connected, form the binary sidereal system which we are now to consider."
-Sir William Herschel

Mark double majored in math and physics, but he sure couldn't make a good pot of coffee. His chest hair couldn't decide if it wanted to be there or not. He's one of only two blue-eyed men I've ever been attracted to, and at 20 he was a virgin. I hear he has a child now (not sure about a wife). Undoubtedly, that child has a poster of Einstein in his/her room. I dodged a bullet there; there is a nursery in my future and it will probably house an Einstein poster as well, but hearing about Mark recently served as a reminder that things are often not what they appear to be. I suspect that my most recent intimate lover is ultimately a fraud.

I write in the meantime. I date, flit, orbit. Observe, play, laugh. Work, eat, spin and fall down solo. Get up solo. Sometimes I wake up crying when my mind kills the people I love in my dreams or makes up horrible things about them. Most of the time, I wake up waiting. Waiting to grow up, waiting for things to get better, waiting for some people to leave me alone and one person to stop acting like a schmuck, so we can maybe orbit together. But the time isn't right. As much as I want it, I can't be a good half to anything yet. You have to be a whole star before you can be binary.

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