A quest to make sense of it all. Or a sense to make a quest of it all.

Sunday, January 17, 2010


She's easy
to see right through
she'll lose that wedding band
when she kicks off her boots
oh, but she's not to blame
it's that danged last name
he's done it to her again
so she's easy....to see right through- Branded, She's Easy

Sooo....Friday night. I'm sitting at the house with a beer, texting with Michael and thinking I'm in for a relaxing, eventless evening. Which is fine, because if you've been paying attention, you know I probably need a night at the house by myself.

Not in the cards.

No, ___ called me and asked me to go to the bar with her. See, her ex is in this local band and he had invited her to come see the show. She didn't want to go by herself and knew how I feel about live music, so she called. What an experience that was! This place couldn't figure out if it wanted to be a biker bar or a dance club. It went for both. I had a lot of beer and a lot of fun. After a few hours, I went home and started to settle in with a text conversation about Bruce Campbell and folk music, when I was reminded (via text. my world is nothing but text now.) that I had told a friend I would meet him for late night waffles when he got off work at 1:00 a.m. This is a really sweet guy, but I have zero attraction to him and I just like being around him in a friendly way. He had asked me out a long time ago before he found out I was married, and when I told him I was indeed taken, he was so embaraassed, he didn't talk to me for a month. He's painfully shy and awkward, and it took a lot of nerve for him to talk to me in the first place. So when we started talking a little bit afte he found out I was getting a divorce, I thought it would be fine to hang out and that and he wouldn't bring all that up.

Wrong. I walked into that Waffle House at 1:30 in the morning with nothing on my mind but bass lines and a pecan waffle. It was dropped on me that he was so happy I went on this "date", and yes, he used that word. *sigh* I told him I thought we were just friends, hanging out, and reminded him that my divorce has been filed but isn't final yet (like it's stopped me from seeing Michael...I'm a terrible person). He got jumpy and red, and thanked me again for going on a date with him and told me I looked pretty... and started yammering about his dogs and football and since I couldnt get a word in anyway, I concentrated on devouring my waffle and answering texts. Yes, I'm a jerk. But he shouldn't have sprung that on me and then disregarded what I had to say about it.

When this was finally over, I got back to the house, had a little more to drink, and texted into the night. The conversation devolved into general stupidity about...not much, but there was a lot of talk about horror movies. I just hate how I I have no control over my thumbs after I drink and I just blurt out in text whatever idiocy is on my mind..and there's always plenty to be shared.

I did not dye my hair yesterday. I did:
-eat Chinese food in hopes of curing my hangover
-ok, really, I ate the Chinese food because it's DELICIOUS
-watch District 9 and Halloween 2...which brought back my nausea.
-walk around next to Brandon at Walmart, in a zombified state, while he peppily talked about shoes and a wedding planning business he wants us to start. Really.
-bathe and re-makeup
-get bored and do my hair in a big Gibson Girl updo, which I then took a nap on and decided it looked better messy and so wore it to the catfish restaurant
-where I ate two whole fish
-and some hushpuppies
-impatiently snapped at Brandon, "I don't give a shit!" when he tried to make me care what movie to get at the Redbox
-which prompted a fight about him judging me for having gotten myself involved with two married men lately, and me reminding him that one is in the process of a divorce and the other is a happy newlywed and that was a stupid assumption that because I'm texting someone, I'm intending to knock boots. Dammit.
-we made up, though.
-but it still bothered me. I love you, Brandon, but you don't need to be throwing any stones here. There is absolutely zilch going on with BC and I don't need you dirtying up a nice friendship with your off-base assumptions.
-I think I'm about over it now, for real.
-and I continued talking to him anyway. *sticks tongue out*
-and had no qualms about stealing the covers last night. You judge me, I hog the blankets.

I did get some writing done this weekend. That bluegrass cover of Dy'er Mak'er that's been stuck in my head for years has finally made its way onto paper the way I pictured it in my head. I've always thought it belonged in some sweetly awkward love scene. Something a little uncomfortable, like a young woman with a much older man, or maybe first time girl-on-girl. Something like that. Anyway, I finally got the scene written, and it's a doozy. Maybe someday it'll actually get filmed.

Now I'm about to jump in the shower and head to Michael's. Cant wait to see him. I've really missed him this weekend, as he's been on a fishing trip with his buddies. From what I hear, he just got drunk and caught a lot of fish. Sounds like a great time. Can't wait to hear all about it and see the pictures! Maybe I can actually relax tonight. I can't say he makes me stop thinking, but he always eases my mind.

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