A quest to make sense of it all. Or a sense to make a quest of it all.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Over A Year

There's so much to be happy about, so much to be excited about. So many changes, new houses, new jobs, a possible huge move to the North.

Really, what I feel as I look over the past year and gear up for the next one in an entirely new climate where I will know only one person, what's on my mind the most are the things I have to atone for. I want so very much to sit down and talk to the people I've let down, if they'll let me. How can you say sorry to people who have cut you out? How can you cut out someone who just wants a shot at making it right, or at least civil? What I've learned here, besides the obvious (don't eff up), is to always listen when someone wants to apologize. Even if I'm angry as hell, even if I've decided I don't want them around anymore, I will give them the chance to apologize. Denying someone that chance is cruel, and while I'm made up of a great many negative adjectives, "cruel" is not one of those.

Anyway, Luke and I are staying with Mom and Dad until The Big Move North. It's...an experience. We stay upstairs most of the time. It's odd moving in somewhere were you're unintentionally all up in other people's business. We try to fit in it (ie, no swearing in front of preachers, no drinking, no loud noises,etc) and it generally works. We all just sort of know it's coming though. One of Luke's friends will say something scandalous. Luke will play his videogames louder and louder until mom buys a gun. I will stay quiet and slip around with my laptop, completely staying out of the way, until someone gets offended and declares me uppity. And then I will launch into a rant about the impossibilty of writing anything remotely creative or sincere or profound while having to endure barking poodles and bellowing fathers and cattiness abut laundry. (Since I invoked the word "creativity" as it refers to writing, I am also invoking a black beret to wear during this rant). And then the house will explode.

Seriously, if we can just keep it together a couple more months, everything will be ok and the US Army will be packing us for Pennsylvania.

No comments: