A quest to make sense of it all. Or a sense to make a quest of it all.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Dear Mom and Dad:

I know I've been staying with you guys a lot lately, and that you're comfortable with that. I know that you, mom, have always had a hard time with not seeing me every day. But it occurs to me that I like my own house. I like the freedom of my own house. And it's unfair to all of us for me to continue crashing at your place just because I don't want to offend anybody. This case of empty-nest syndrome has gotta stop now. I'll still come over a lot. As of this afternoon, I'm relocating all of my items that have migrated from my home to yours, back to their rightful place on Madison Street. You can stop by any time (at least until Luke comes home, and then you have to call first). I'm putting my foot down about this.

Reasons:

1) My air conditioner works.

2) No flea bites.

3) I don't infringe on anyone's morning time and no one infringes on my need to be a hibernating bear while it's still dark outside, as nature dictates.

4) I can watch a movie on a television set rather than a computer screen.

5) Superior sheets.

6) Laundry at my own pace.

7) A perfect, pre-designated home for every beauty aide/accoutrement I own.

8) My own coffee pot and tea pot.

9) I don't have to justify why I'm still up and reading at midnight. Sometimes I can't sleep, ok?

10) Exponentially wider variety of clothing.

11) Ditto, hair styling and makeup options, as there is room for all my stuff and I can groom in the bathroom as long as I feel like it.

12) No daily 7:45 a.m. morning panic.

13) I never again have to wonder what's going on a few rooms away and then down some mental Drain-o.

14) It's your house again. Drink up, maties. Yo-ho.

14) I don't do orange juice. Now or ever. And I don't have to repeat it daily.

15) Dietary freedom. I can eat all the canned tuna and reduced fat cheese I want. And that's all, if I choose.

15) We'll all spend less money on groceries. You people can have your $100/week grocery bills. As for me, I refer you to #15. 20 bucks'll do it.

16) My music, all the time. Bite me, Sousa.

17) An endless parade of surround-sounded George Romero zombie goodness, with me in front twirling a baton.

18) I spend less money at home. I don't know why, but it's true. Maybe because being in my own house makes me more cautious of where my money goes since I'm surrounded by things I've bought myself and bills that are my own responsibility.

19) I don't have to worry about offending anyone if I get a wild hair and decide on a dime to catch a movie or go tool around Kirkland's solo.

20) My bedroom stays dark and I like it that way.

21) I have at least one functioning window.

22) Absolutely zero risk of encountering animal excrement.

23) I'm 23.

24) I like the poodle a lot more when I don't live with her.

25) I start the dishwasher when it's full.

26) Have you seen my closet?

27) Until this past month, and with the exception of a month-long period when I was looking for a house in Corinth, I have been on my own for several years now. As is natural and good.

28) That's all I can think of right now.


*This was e-mailed fifteen minutes ago. Waiting for something to hit the fan.

2 comments:

casey said...

awww Sara you poor thing! I know how you feel when I go stay with my mom the novelty wears off then Im ready for y own house! I hope you dont offend your mom or hurt her feelings! But good for you , for having the balls to say what you think!

palm tree said...

Ha! I thought it was one of those "Dear So & So" blog letters that the supposed recipient never gets to read. You do not disappoint! Let us know how the parents take it.