A quest to make sense of it all. Or a sense to make a quest of it all.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

It's confession time:


I think I'm missing some feminine gene that enables other women to coo at every small child in sight, regardless of behavior. I rarely coo. And then it's usually only children of good friends (hypothetically, since none of my good friends have children) and the occasional infant. Don't get me wrong, I like kids; I like quiet, introspective kids with glasses and bug books. I'm just uncomfortable with small children, despite their total comfort with me. It's kind of like how cats will instinctively head straight for the lap of the one person in the room who dislikes cats. And I can't even fake it all that well. We frequently get pint-sized terrors in the store. A little girl who takes one purse down and totes it around and then puts it away is kinda cute. A little girl who takes down eight purses, turns all the shoes around backwards, knocks over a jewelry display, and tries on all the bras... well, I don't think I'm cruel in thinking that this child should be kept in a crate in the car while mom shops. Or better yet, be exposed to some freakin' parenting. But while this is going on, the other customers are smiling and chuckling and saying things like," She's just precious". I'm standing there, stony-faced, thinking of all the things I'd like to say to the "mother" and I glance around, to find that more often than not, my coworkers are smiling, too. I force a smile and a little laugh, as if I don't mind the fact that I'm going to have to stop what I'm doing for a half an hour to pick up after precious lil' demon, because her mom will inevitably strip her of all the accessories and bras, drape them over a clearance rack, and walk out after she (mom) has made a purchase too small to justify either her kid's behavior or her own (thanks for leaving all those clothes in the fitting room floor, bitchcow. Looking forward to pickin' them up, too). Are other women just inherently nicer than me? Am I low on some hormone? It would be better for my blood pressure if I could just smile when I see a toddler trashing my store and ignore it until it's gone. Are all these other women faking it? Or do they genuinely think this is adorable?

Maybe having your own kids, or at least knowing a lot of kids, is the key. I don't know many kids. My old pastor has kids that I like. They're two quiet, sweet little girls in matching velvet dresses. They hug me and I don't mind at all. I like Josh and Tiffany's kids (Josh the park ranger). Their little boy was the ring bearer at my wedding, and their daughter was the flower girl. No problem here. Also children whose affection I don't mind. I like the kids of my coworkers. So it's not just kids in general that make me want to set bear-traps throughout the store.

I just don't have the ability to instantly go ga-ga over every kid. I hope that doesn't make me less of a woman.

11 comments:

Palm Tree said...

The coo-people are missing genes. People like you and me have normal genes. Except for that one pesky gene that makes me bake small children in ovens.

sarah saint said...

Or set bear traps in areas not frequented by bears.

sarah saint said...

.. or by bear.

?

Palm Tree said...

Bears.

Palm Tree said...

You need to leave the Savannah / Corinth area immediately. It's seeping into your scalp.

sarah saint said...

I'm a little stuck.

sarah saint said...

Ok. I went to see what ol' m-w.com had to say about bears, and found this:

1 or pl bear : any of a family (Ursidae of the order Carnivora) of large heavy mammals of America and Eurasia that have long shaggy hair, rudimentary tails, and plantigrade feet and feed largely on fruit, plant matter, and insects as well as on flesh

and I just have to comment on how freakin offended I would be if someone referred to a body part of mine as "rudimentary".

Palm Tree said...

Why do you think bears wreck the shit out of our camp sites?

sarah saint said...

Now it comes together.

Palm Tree said...

Oh, and you have an extra forward slash my my link, so people can't get to my web site from yours. FYI.

sarah saint said...

Thankya.